The context in which a trauma occurs has the potential to become a triggering experience. If you’ve endured sexual trauma, it makes sense that you are experiencing difficulties related to sexual intimacy.

Know that it doesn’t have to be this way forever – a fun, healthy, and fulfilling sex life is within reach!

Flashbacks and Emotional Re-Experiencing

It is not uncommon to experience vivid memories of the traumatic experience or to feel as though you are back in the moment physically or emotionally. Flashbacks can be visual, auditory, or physical. 

Fear and Anxiety

Past traumatic experiences can trigger intense fear, anxiety, or panic during sexual encounters. Fear and anxiety may be related to thoughts or show up physically and they may seem to be unrelated to what you are thinking.

Dissociation and Feeling Numb

You may experience a feeling of being detached from your body and the present moment, making it challenging to fully engage in the present moment during a sexual intimacy.

Trust

Sexual violence is a severe betrayal that can shatter feelings of trust towards others and yourself. You may believe that others cannot be trusted, that your body cannot be trusted, and/or that you can’t trust yourself. This makes it difficult to embrace physical, emotional, or sexual intimacy.

Boundaries

Trauma can lead us to be too rigid (not letting anyone in) or too loose (not standing up for self) with our boundaries. This impacts our sexual experiences. 

Shame

Shame can be experienced towards one’s identity or towards sex itself. For example, many survivors will believe that there is something wrong with them or that others will think they are gross or bad if they learn what happened to them. Others may think that sex itself is a bad and shameful act. Please know that neither are true.

Negative Beliefs About Sex

Negative beliefs after sexual trauma can stem from the traumatic experience or from the aftermath of the trauma (including how others respond to you). Common negative beliefs include:

“It was my fault” Internalizing blame,  believing that you are responsible, even though it was out of your control.

“I am powerless” The belief that trauma has stripped us of our power – the ability to protect ourselves and control our lives.

“I am broken” Believing that you are sexually inadequate or that you cannot engage in sexually intimacy.

“I am alone” Trauma is isolating. It makes us think that others won’t understand our experience.

“I am unlovable” Negative self-perceptions can impact our sense of self-worth making it difficult to believe that others could genuinely care for or love us.

Sexual Dysfunction

Survivors may experience sexual dysfunctions including vaginismus, dyspareunia (pain during sex), anorgasmia (inability to orgasm), sexual addiction/out of control sexual behaviour, low arousal, erectile dysfunction, premature or delayed ejaculation, and sexual performance anxiety. If you are experiencing sexual dysfunction, it is important to be assessed by a doctor to rule out any underlaying medical conditions. 

Avoidance of Sexual Intimacy

Also referred to hyposexuality, it involves avoidance and lack of interest in sexual intimacy. It is often our body’s attempt to keep us safe from future harm. 

To note that sexual desire and arousal is constantly changing. The avoidance of sexual intimacy is not itself a problem. It becomes a problem when it goes against your desires and values. 

Increase in Sexual Behaviour After Trauma

Also referred to as hypersexuality, it involves a preoccupation or compulsive engagement in sexual activity. It can be an attempt to re-establish safety and control or punishment. 

An increase in sexual behaviour after trauma is only problematic if the focus is not pleasure, it involves risk of harm and revictimization, and the behaviours are distressing and not aligned with your values. 

Body Image Concerns

Sexual violence can profoundly impact your relationship with your body, leading to body image concerns, disconnection from physical sensations, and low self-esteem.

Difficulties with Emotional Intimacy and Connection

Sexual trauma can impact one’s ability to connect emotionally and to experience intimacy with a partner, which is often a precursor to sexual intimacy.

Hyperarousal or Numbness

Trauma can leave us feeling on edge or emotionally numb which impacts our ability to regulate our emotions, which can interfere with a pleasurable sexual experience. 

Our specialized focus in both trauma and sex therapy allows us to tailor your treatment to address these challenges, to release the past, and revive pleasure, joy, and connection in your life. 

Your treatment may include:

Identifying your Triggers

A survivor once said: sex is like walking through a minefield – I never know when a mine is going to blow. 

Sex becomes a lot easier to navigate when we know what is being triggered. Our therapists can help you understand your triggers and develop a plan to effectively respond to them. .

Navigating Triggers

You may be taught various mindfulness, grounding, and emotion regulating strategies to help you prevent triggers, react to triggers, and take care of yourself when you’ve been triggered. 

This may involve learning different ways to have sex to mitigate the impact of triggers. For example, if a specific position is triggering but feels pleasurable, the therapist may help you identify another position that can be used in place.

Trauma Processing

If difficulties with sexual intimacy are related to unresolved trauma, your therapist may recommend trauma processing. All sex therapists on our team have a solid understanding of trauma and PTSD and how it impacts sexual intimacy.

Your therapist may recommend Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR), Psychodynamic Psychotherapy, or Somatic and Sensorimotor Therapy to help with this.

Nervous System Regulation

If you notice that you’re in a state of hyperarousal and feeling on guard, you may learn and practice to regulate your nervous system.

Couple’s therapy

If you are partnered, involving your partner(s) in your sexual healing journey can be an important step that transforms your healing journey. Unless you’re engaging in solo sex (masturbation), sex involves at least one more person – involving this is other person(s) can strengthen your connection and allow you to work towards creating a mutually fulfilling sexual relationship. It can also help your partner learn how to best support you.

Take home exercises and homework

Homework will look different based on your treatment plan and relationship status. There may be worksheets for you to complete, topics to read about and reflect on, and non sexual and sexual touch exercises. 

If you are in a relationship, you may be assigned non sexual and sexual touch exercises.

Please note that your therapist will never be involved in any touch exercises – they will only offer resources that are backed by research to help people experiencing the difficulties that you are experiencing. You will always be in control and will never be required to do something that you do not want to or feel ready to do. In fact, being able to advocate for yourself in therapy will help you advocate for yourself in the future.

Developing a Sex Positive Attitude

Most people know what they know about sex from fear or shame based sex education in middle school and unrealistic depictions of sex and pleasure in the media and pornography. Your sex therapist may share information that will help you unlearn what you know about sex, explore what sex means to you, and develop a more positive outlook that acknowledges each individuals sexual rights and embraces sex as:

• a pleasure-based activity,
• a powerful healing energy,
• having many health benefits,
• being conscious and responsible
• an expression of love
• consensual
• mutually beneficial