Potential Causes of Out of Control Sexual Behaviour

Out of control sexual behaviour is a complex issue with multifaceted causes, which may include:

Psychological Factors

Out of control sexual behaviour can be associated with underlying mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, or trauma.

Trauma or Abuse

Trauma, which can encompass a wide range of distressing experiences, can influence an individual’s relationship with their sexuality and contribute to the development of out of control sexual behaviour. Some related pathways involve:

Coping Mechanism

For some individuals who have experienced trauma, out of control sexual behaviour may serve as a coping mechanism. Engaging in sexual behaviors can temporarily relieve emotional pain, distract from distressing memories, and provide comfort and a sense of control. For example, sex or sexual fantasies can become a way to self-soothe or escape from the emotional turmoil associated with traumatic experiences.

Self-Esteem and Self-Worth

Trauma can significantly impact an individual’s self-esteem and self-worth. Out of control sexual behaviour may provide a fleeting sense of validation, acceptance, or worthiness that trauma survivors may struggle to find elsewhere. This can lead to a cycle of seeking sexual experiences as a means of bolstering self-esteem.

Reenactment of Trauma

In some cases, individuals with a history of trauma may reenact their traumatic experiences or themes in their sexual behaviors. This is a complex and distressing aspect of out of control sexual behaviour, where the person unconsciously repeats or recreates aspects of their trauma in their sexual encounters. This can be an attempt to gain a sense of control or mastery over the traumatic event(s).

Attachment and Intimacy Issues

Trauma can disrupt a person’s ability to form secure attachments and engage in healthy intimate relationships. As a result, individuals with a history of trauma may struggle to establish emotionally fulfilling connections with others and may turn to sexual behaviour as a substitute for genuine emotional intimacy.

Neurobiological Factors

Some individuals may have brain chemistry imbalances that make them more susceptible to compulsive behaviors. This may include dysfunction in the prefrontal cortex, dysregulation in hormones, and imbalances in neurotransmitters such as dopamine, serotonin and norepinephrine.

Environmental and Societal Factors

Social and cultural influences can shape one’s relationship with sex and lead to out of control sexual behavior. These may include a variety of cultural norms and expectations surrounding sex and relationships, sexualization in the media, accessibility of pornography, peer influence, childhood and early life experiences, availability of partners, and economic factors.

Stress and Coping Mechanisms

Out of control sexual behaviour can be a way of coping with life’s stressors and challenges. Sexual behaviour can impact the release of endorphins (nature’s pain killers) and increase the release of dopamine in the brain which are associated with stress relief and pleasure. Overtime, more is needed to achieve the same results.

How Can Sex Therapy/Psychotherapy Help?

Sex therapy, a form of psychotherapy that addresses sexual functioning, is a crucial tool in the journey to regain control over sexual behaviour. At New Moon Psychotherapy, our trained therapists create a safe, judgment-free, and confidential environment for you to share your experiences, get to the root of your problem, and work towards a healthier, more fulfilling relationship with your sexuality. 

Here’s what you can expect during sex therapy for out of control sexual behaviour:

Identifying Triggers and Underlying Issues

A therapist will work with you to uncover underlying causes and triggers to out of control sexual behaviour. This means that you will explore many aspects of your life that may be seemingly disconnected from sex such as emotional coping, childhood and other life experiences, relationship history, as well as mental and physical health history. This exploration will not only help you better understand yourself, it will help the therapist determine a treatment plan that will be most suitable to you. 

Developing Coping Strategies

If your struggle with out of control sexual behaviour is determined to be at least partially serving you as a coping strategy, you will have the opportunity to learn and practice other strategies to cope with stress, anxiety and difficult emotions in ways that are aligned with your values. 

Rebuilding Relationships

It is not uncommon for individuals struggling with out of control sexual behaviour to report strained relationships with loved ones, particularly their partners or significant others. A part of therapy may involve repairing those relationships including rebuilding trust, improving communication, and enhancing intimacy and connection. It may be beneficial to include your partner in this process, though it is not necessary. 

Setting Boundaries

Any out of control behaviours often tarnish boundaries with self and others. Revisiting your values and learning to set an respect personal and external values will help you regain control over one’s behaviour. 

Sex Education

Sex education plays a valuable role in the treatment of out of control sexual behavior by providing individuals with the knowledge, understanding, and tools necessary to make informed and healthier decisions regarding their sexuality. Here are some ways in which sex education is used in the treatment of out of control sexual behaviour:

Information and Awareness

Most adults have not received comprehensive and accurate information about healthy sexual functioning, pornography, consent, boundaries, and communication. Sex education provides a foundation for understanding the complexities of human sexuality, dispels myths, reduces shame, and destigmatizes sexual behaviour.

Understanding Healthy Sexuality

Sex education helps individuals differentiate between consensual, healthy sexual activity and problematic or compulsive behaviors. It provides a framework for recognizing what constitutes healthy sexual expression, thereby helping individuals identify areas where they may be engaging in unhealthy behaviors. 

You may be surprised to learn that many individuals who seek out therapy for out of control sexual behaviour are engaging in consensual and healthy sexual activity but have been conditioned to believe that it is wrong. 

Communication and Consent

Effective sex education emphasizes the importance of open and honest communication about sexual desires and boundaries. This skill is crucial for individuals in treatment to communicate with partners and therapists about their struggles and needs. It also helps in establishing and respecting sexual boundaries, which is essential in rebuilding and moving from out of control sexual behaviour.

Safe Sex Practices

Education on safe sex practices is vital because it can reduce the risks associated with out of control sexual behaviour. At New Moon Psychotherapy, our therapists will work collaboratively with you to develop a sexual safety plan.

Normalization and Reducing Stigma

A key aspect of sex education is normalizing the diverse range of human sexual experiences. In sex therapy, we are taught to not yuck someone’s yum. This mindset is essential because it reduces stigma and helps all impacted feel less ashamed and willing to seek help.

Creating a Supportive Space

If you’ve lived with out of control sexual behaviour for a while, it is likely that you’ve thought you’re all alone, expected that no one will understand, and felt fearful that you would be ostracized if you opened up about your experience(s). Therapy offers a supportive space to establish connection, combat shame, and work towards reducing isolation. 

A Collaborative Relationship That Emphasizes Informed Decision Making

Sex is not the problem. It’s the way that we relate to it that can become problematic. The World Health Organization considers sexual health to be “fundamental to the overall health and well-being of individuals, couples and families, and to the social and economic development of communities and countries”. Therapist who specialize in sex therapy share that belief.

The goal of sex therapy is not disconnection from one’s sexuality, avoidance of self-sex (masturbation) or partnered-sex, or disengagement from sexually explicit materials. The goal of sex therapy is to help you understand your sexuality, and engage with sex in a values based and positive way. The therapist will help you understand sexual heath and your own sexuality, but you get to decide how you bring that into your life. 

Recovery from out of control sexual behaviour is a journey of self-discovery and finding healtier ways to navigate life’s challenges and the complexities of human sexuality.  Therapy provides a path forward that fosters self-acceptance and empowerment.

You may not believe it now but change is possible! We are here to guide you on your path to healing and regaining control over sexual behavior.