Struggling With Sexual Behaviour
Sexuality is complex, and for many men it can feel confusing or overwhelming. Some sexual behaviours are healthy and consensual within the right context. Others may be private or require clear agreement with a partner. And some behaviours cross boundaries or cause harm and are not appropriate to pursue at all.
If you are struggling with sexual behaviour that feels out of control, distressing, or misaligned with your values, you may feel pulled in directions you do not fully understand. You may promise yourself it will stop after this time, only to find the pattern repeating. This can leave you feeling ashamed, isolated, and unsure how to build healthy relationships.
It is important to say this clearly: sexual behaviours that violate consent or boundaries cause real harm. Acknowledging this harm is not about shaming you. It is about creating the conditions for meaningful change.
Understanding Problematic Sexual Behaviours
Problematic sexual behaviours are actions or patterns that violate consent, cross boundaries, or place others at risk of harm. These behaviours can be contact or non-contact in nature. Both can have serious psychological, emotional, and relational consequences.
What often makes these behaviours difficult to face is that they may not match how you see yourself. Many men struggling in this area do not identify as dangerous or predatory. They feel confused about how things escalated and frightened by their own impulses. Understanding the function of the behaviour is a critical step toward change.
Contact Sexual Behaviours
Contact sexual behaviours involve direct physical contact with another person that is non-consensual, coercive, or inappropriate. This can include unwanted sexual touching, pressure or manipulation to obtain sexual contact, or ignoring verbal or non-verbal cues that someone is uncomfortable or unwilling.
If you have engaged in contact behaviours, you may have minimized what happened or told yourself it was misunderstood or mutual. However, for the person on the receiving end, these experiences can be deeply destabilizing. They can affect a person’s sense of safety, bodily autonomy, trust in others, and long-term emotional well-being.
Taking responsibility here means acknowledging the impact of the behaviour, regardless of intent, and committing to learning how to recognize and respect boundaries consistently.
Non-Contact Sexual Behaviours
Non-contact sexual behaviours do not involve direct physical contact, but they can still cause significant harm. These may include public exposure, voyeuristic behaviours, compulsive or excessive sexual activities that interfere with daily functioning, or consuming sexual material that is non-consensual or exploitative.
Non-contact behaviours can also include inviting, encouraging, or requesting sexual touch involving minors, even if no physical contact occurs. It is important to be clear: children cannot consent, and these behaviours cause serious psychological harm and represent a significant violation of boundaries and safety.
For some men, non-contact behaviours also include viewing pornography that involves illicit or harmful content, such as material involving minors, animals, or explicit violence. These forms of content are inherently non-consensual and cause harm, even when there is no direct physical contact.
Engaging in non-contact behaviours like these can reinforce distorted beliefs about consent, power, and entitlement. They often escalate over time, increasing secrecy, shame, and risk. Addressing non-contact behaviours directly is essential for protecting others and restoring a clear understanding of responsibility and consent.
Why Does This Happen?
You may be asking yourself how you got here.
You may have grown up in an environment where boundaries were unclear, violated, or ignored. You may have experienced trauma, neglect, or early exposure to sexual material that shaped how your nervous system responds to sexual stimulation. You may have learned about sex through pornography, media, or peer culture that blurred the lines between desire, entitlement, and consent.
For many men, sexual behaviour becomes a way to cope with loneliness, stress, shame, boredom, or emotional pain. In the moment, it can bring relief, control, or escape. Afterwards, it often brings guilt, secrecy, and fear. Over time, this cycle can become ingrained, even when it conflicts with your values and the kind of life you want to live.
Your past may help explain how these patterns developed, but it does not excuse harm, and it does not have to define your future.
How We Support Change
At New Moon Psychotherapy, we work with men who want to take responsibility for their sexual behaviour and build healthier, more respectful relationships with others and with themselves.
Our approach is informed by the Good Lives Model, which focuses on helping you identify the kind of life you want to live and the values you want to stand for. Rather than defining you by your behaviour, we work to understand what the behaviour has been trying to meet and how to pursue those needs in safe, consensual, and lawful ways.
Our work focuses on helping you:
- Understand the emotional and psychological drivers of your behaviour
- Recognize escalation patterns and risk factors
- Develop strategies to manage urges without acting on them
- Strengthen respect for boundaries and consent
- Reduce shame while increasing awareness and responsibility
- Build stability, connection, and purpose across your life
Change is possible. With the right support, you can develop a sexuality feels controlled and aligns with your values.
Book a free 15-minute consultation
About the Author
Camila Espana, MSW, RSW
Certified Sex Offender Treatment Provider
Certified Ontario Domestic Assault Risk Assessor
Camila Espana is the Program Lead for New Moon Psychotherapy’s structured intervention programs. She delivers and oversees individual and group programs for men who have been accused of, charged with, or convicted of intimate partner violence and contact and/or non-contact sexual offences.
Her work integrates evidence-based models, including cognitive-behavioural approaches, structured risk assessment, and offence-focused intervention, with an emphasis on self-awareness, emotional regulation, and behavioural change.
Camila’s clinical approach is practical, non-judgmental, and aligned with rehabilitation principles commonly recognized by the courts. She works collaboratively with legal professionals and/or supervising authorities and prepares documentation that reflects attendance, participation, and clinically assessed progress in accordance with ethical and legal standards.
Ready to get started? Reach out to us today!
We are currently accepting new clients for our Problematic Sexual Behaviours Program
Offered in person at our downtown office or virtually.
If you’d like more information or want to begin the intake process, contact us at:
📩 [email protected]
📞 416-800-3361