Coping with Loss During the Holidays

Holidays are steeped in traditions, memories, and connections, which link us deeply to our loved ones. When someone we care about is no longer present, the void becomes ever so apparent. The empty chair at the dinner table, the absence of a familiar laugh, or even an unanswered phone call can trigger waves of sadness.

Grief doesn’t have a timeline; it ebbs and flows. For many, the holidays serve as a poignant reminder of their loss, making it harder to fully participate in festivities or feel “normal” amidst the celebrations.

It’s important to understand that this pain is a natural response to losing someone who matters deeply. Allowing yourself the space to grieve—even during the holidays—is an essential part of the healing process.

5 Tips for Coping with Loss During the Holidays

While grief during the holidays can feel overwhelming, it’s possible to find healthy ways to cope. These strategies can guide you toward navigating this difficult season while honouring your feelings and the memory of your loved one.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

It’s okay to not feel okay. Allow yourself to recognize and express your emotions, whether it’s sadness, anger, or even guilt. Suppressing your feelings won’t make them go away—it’s important to face them with compassion.

You might find comfort in journaling your thoughts or sharing memories with a trusted friend. If this is a struggle, speaking with a therapist may help.

2. Set Realistic Expectations

The holidays often come with societal pressure to be joyful, social, and celebratory. However, it’s perfectly acceptable to modify or decline traditions that feel too painful. Set boundaries with loved ones about what you’re comfortable participating in.

For example:

• If attending a large holiday dinner feels overwhelming, suggest a smaller gathering, meet with family members individually, or opt for a quiet evening at home (taking a holiday is also completely acceptable).
• Give yourself permission to leave an event if it becomes too emotionally taxing.
• If certain traditions will be too triggering, you can compassionately communicate this to those involved.

Grief is incredibly painful. When you manage your expectations and set boundaries, you are prioritizing your emotional health.

3. Find Ways to Honor Your Loved One

Integrating your loved one’s memory into holiday traditions can provide connection and comfort. Here are a few simple ideas:

• Light a candle in their honour.
• Share stories or look at photos together as a family.
• Set a place for them at the dinner table.
• Cook their favourite dish and include it in your holiday meal.
• Watch a movie, listen to music, or play a game that brings up pleasant memories.
• Create a special ornament, wreath, or decoration to commemorate them.
• If you did not have an opportunity to experience the holidays with them, engage in a tradition that was meaningful for them.

These acts of remembrance can gently incorporate your grief into the holiday, making their absence feel less isolating and allowing you to connect with the pleasant memories that you created in the past.

4. Lean on Your Support System

Grief can be an isolating experience, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups to share your feelings. Often, loved ones want to help but don’t know how, so don’t be afraid to communicate your needs.

If you’re more comfortable speaking to strangers in a structured setting, consider joining a grief support group in your community or online. These groups provide a safe space for sharing and connection with others who truly understand.

5. Practice Self-Care and Mindfulness

When you’re grieving, taking care of yourself can feel challenging but is vitally important. Small acts of self-kindness can go a long way in soothing your emotional and physical well-being:

• Prioritize rest and sleep.
• Engage in light exercise, such as a walk in nature.
• Try mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing or meditation, to ground yourself in moments of overwhelm.
• Be mindful of nutrition—comfort foods are okay, but try to mix in wholesome meals that nourish your body.

Remember, self-care isn’t selfish. It’s a way of giving yourself the tools to cope with your grief.

For Friends and Family: Supporting Someone Who’s Grieving

If you know someone who’s grieving, your support can make a significant difference during the holidays. Here are a few ways to help:

• Be Present and Listen: Sometimes, the most powerful support you can offer is simply being there and letting them share their feelings. Statements like “I’m here for you” or “I know everyone grieves differently. How have things been for you?” communicate that it’s okay to talk about it.
• Offer Practical Help: Grief can inhibit someone’s ability to handle everyday tasks. Offer to cook, shop, or help with holiday preparations.
• Avoid Toxic Positivity: Saying “stay positive” or “at least you still have…” or “they’re in a better place” or “Everything happens for a reason” can feel dismissive. Instead, acknowledge their pain by saying, “I can’t imagine how hard this must be” or “I hate that you’re going through this pain” or “Your pain/anger/sadness makes sense”.
• Respect Their Wishes: Follow their lead if they want to modify traditions or opt out of celebrations entirely.

By showing empathy and understanding, you can help create a safe and comforting environment for your loved one to grieve.

Finding Hope and Healing Amidst Grief

While the holidays can intensify feelings of loss, it’s also a time to reflect on love, connection, and the resilience of the human spirit. Healing from grief is not about forgetting—it’s about finding ways to carry the memory of your loved one into a new chapter of life.

Be patient with yourself and lean on your support system when needed. If you’re struggling to cope, reaching out for professional guidance can provide invaluable relief and strategies for growth.